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Five Ways to Get More Out of Your Scotch Whisky

Five Ways to Get More Out of Your Scotch Whisky

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“Whisky is liquid sunshine.” —George Bernard Shaw

If you’re adding anything other than water or ice to your whisky, then you’re probably not drinking “Scotch” whisky, but one of those inferior American whiskies. Bourbon and rye whiskies tend to have a hard time standing up on their taste alone, and thus often need a mixer to enhance (or cut) their flavors. Scotch, on the other hand, is explicitly savored for its unique, exceptional taste variations, and, with a few exceptions such as the “Rob Roy” cocktail, is enjoyed straight up or with a bit of H20 to draw out its flavors.

Interestingly, scientists have studied how adding a little water enhances the flavor of Scotch. Researchers at Sweden’s Linnaeus University determined that water drives a specific organic compound in Scotch known as guaiacol to the liquid’s surface. Guaiacol is linked to Scotch’s smoky taste, so its interface between the fluid and air enhances the overall aroma and flavor.

So, now that you know how water may be used to improve your Scotch whisky drinking experience, what are some other ways to get more out of it? Well, you don’t need to conduct any scientific experiments, because we’ve got five more ways to get more out of your Scotch whisky drinking experience right here:

How Is It Made and What Goes Into Making It?

So, what exactly is “Scotch?”

Strictly speaking, Scotch is a distilled alcoholic beverage made in Scotland from fermented grain mash and aged in wooden casks for a minimum period of three years. Scotch is divided into five distinct categories:

  • Single malt—produced only from water and malted barley at a single distillery by batch distillation in pot stills.
  • Single grain—similar to single malt, but includes the addition of a mixture of grains.
  • Blended malt—a blend of two or more single malt Scotch whiskies from different distilleries.
  • Blended grain— a blend of two or more single-grain Scotch whiskies from different distilleries
  • Blended— a blend of one or more single malt Scotch whiskies with one or more single grain Scotch Whiskies. 

The distillation process begins by spreading soaked barley over a heat source (often peat) that encourages the barley to sprout, a process known as “malting.” Warm water is added to the malted barley to produce mash, which extracts its sugars to create a liquid known as “wort.” Yeast is then added to the wort to induce fermentation, turning the liquid sugars into alcohol that at this stage is known as a “fermented wash.”

While you could theoretically drink this wash as an alcoholic beverage, you would have to overcome its sour taste. You might also encounter a touch of gastronomic distress from leftover yeast, nitrates, and other substances. This explains why the wash is then heated in copper stills to purify the alcohol by vaporization, a process repeated to produce what is known as “young whisky.” The young whisky is then allowed to age for a minimum of three years in oak casks, which, depending on the distillery, may have been used to store other alcohols such as sherry or port to impart further seasoning. After ageing, the Scotch is bottled and ready for consumption; unlike wine, once bottled, the Scotch no longer ages or changes flavor.       

Know Its History

No one knows who first distilled what we know as Scotch whisky today, but the drink evolved from a Scottish drink called “uisge beatha,” which means “water of life,” according to the Scotch Whisky Association. This drink may have been initially used as a medicine, prescribed for health preservation and the relief of colic, palsy, and perhaps smallpox, among other maladies. The first written historical mention of Scotch whisky is in an entry into the 1494 “Exchequer Rolls,” listing a large quantity of the product under the tax records of Friar John Cor.

Taxation proved to be an intrinsic part of Scotch’s development and history, with distillers engaged in a de facto war with various tax authorities for well over a century. Distilling was driven underground as a result of English taxation policies starting in 1707, and “moonshining” (distilling by moonlight) and smuggling became big business. By the 1820s, authorities confiscated or destroyed up to 14,000 illegal stills annually. Yet it is estimated that up to half of the Scotch produced in Scotland was being consumed tax-free.

The Duke of Gordon, on whose land some of the finest illegal Scotch was reportedly being produced, helped bring common sense to the United Kingdom by helping enact the 1823 Excise Act, which allowed the distillation of Scotch whisky for a reasonable 10-pound license fee and set payment per gallon. This helped bring Scotch back into the open and allowed the industry to flourish legally. In the 1880s, Scotch enhanced its international appeal after French vineyards were devastated by a beetle infestation. With the worldwide loss of French wine, brandy, and cognac stocks, Scotch whisky quickly became a popular replacement.

Today, Scotch whisky is known as one of the “premier international spirits of choice, enjoyed in more than 200 countries throughout the world.”           

Know How to Drink It

You already know that a bit of water can enhance the flavors of Scotch whisky, but there are other means of improving its flavors, as well. Of course, it’s all about personal taste, and everyone will likely have a different opinion about how to enjoy the perfect drink of Scotch. Thus, the best advice is to try Scotch in various ways until you find your “perfect.”   

Consider, first, the glass. Some people prefer “rocks” glasses, some “snifters,” or you could go professional with the “Glencairn.” The Rocks glass, also known as the “Old Fashioned,” is perhaps the most utilized glass for Scotch and, while designed for the ice cubes (rocks), works equally well straight or for cocktails. This glass is the all-around go-to for most alcohol and has a thick base, a wide brim, and typically holds between 7 and 12 ounces of liquid.

Snifters are used more by the Scotch connoisseurs looking to capture the whole sensory experience of the drink. A short, stemmed glass with a wide base and a narrow top induces evaporation as it is held and swirled. The gases are trapped by the narrow opening, allowing the drinker to smell the flavors with each sip. Similar to the snifter, the Scottish-made Glencairn is endorsed by the Scotch Whisky Association and has a more tapered mouth, making it easier to drink.

Going back to mixers, most Scotch aficionados say that straight up or with a few drops of water to release the flavors is best. However, some people like their drinks cold. While adding a cube or two of ice may seem like a reasonable option, it can inhibit the release of Scotch flavors, dull the taste, and dilute the overall experience. Again, though, it’s a matter of personal taste. However, to get around the dilution, you can consider ice rocks that add chill without dilution, or ice spheres that slow and limit dilution.

Finally, if you’ve just got to have a mixer in your drink, then consider the Rob Roy. Named after a Scottish outlaw, a Rob Roy is the signature Scotch cocktail, much like the martini is the signature cocktail for gin. Both rely on vermouth to bring out their distinctive flavors.   

The Importance of “Pairing”

Much like fine wine, Scotch whisky can be paired with food for enhanced taste sensations. And, like wine pairing, finding the perfect Scotch pairing for various foods is almost an art form. But again, it’s all a matter of personal taste.

In general, it’s a matter of balancing, as you don’t want the Scotch to overpower the cuisine, and vice versa. For example, you would probably not want to pair a heavily peated Scotch with gamey meats. Still, a medium-bodied, lightly peated Scotch often works nicely with various smoked foods because the two help bring out the smoky flavors of each without overpowering the overall experience. Light, fruity Scotch whiskies pair nicely with delicate seafood dishes and sushi. Cheese goes beautifully with many Scotches, though avoid pairing with sharp, raw cheeses, as the flavors tend to clash rather than complement each other.

And, of course, pairing your Scotch with that after-dinner cigar is considered a heavenly dessert by some. Those not inclined to cigar smoke should consider a pairing of dark chocolate with a full-bodied Scotch.  

Get the Best!      

So, which Scotch whisky is the “best?” As suggested throughout this article, it all depends on your personal taste. One Scotch lover’s perfect might be a Lagavulin single malt, while another’s might be the fruitier flavor of a Glenmorangie.

The perfect option for a budding Scotch whisky aficionado to determine the best is to keep sampling them. In fact, most connoisseurs of fine Scotch are always more than willing to sample an untried Scotch.   

 

So There I was

So There I was

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So there I was, staring Death in his unblinking bloodshot eyes, powerless within his unwavering gaze and apparently destined to meet a cruel and painful demise.  As the road-kill stench of his fetid breath began to engulf me in its miasmatic haze, I started a feverish prayer for salvation.  To my immense surprise, the incantation seemed to take effect as I noticed an almost imperceptible flutter of the eyelids, a flicker of uncertainty in those malevolent, blood-gorged orbs.

In the blink of an eye, if you’ll forgive the pun and cliché, I slammed my right fist into Death’s solar plexus and threw my other hand forward with two fingers distended—a perfectly aimed shot, each finger pushing an eyeball ever deeper into their sockets, until suddenly, the thick-skinned yet gelatinous orbs burst, and my fingers briefly broke through the membrane separating sight from imagination and brushed against Death’s mind.  The foul beast roared with physical pain, the humiliation of defeat, and the knowledge that I would evermore be immune from his deadly gaze.  And there I was, immortal.

So there I was, looking down a long mist-enshrouded aisle of some vast ancient cathedral.  Throngs of shadowy apparitions crowded the pews, waiting in mute anticipation for the commencement of some sacrilegious ceremony.  An unknown force beckoned me towards the cathedral’s immense altar. Though a deep feeling of dread permeated my senses, I stepped forward into the mist without hesitation, buoyed by my newfound perception of invulnerability.

I found myself before a hoary priest who began speaking ceremonial words in some long-forgotten tongue, but the meaning behind the words became clear as the bride-to-be stepped up beside me.  Paralyzed with abject terror as the priest intoned, “and do you take Edna Hottschlaider as your lawfully wedded wife, to love, to hold and cherish for all eternity?” I turned to look into the mottled and pimple-scared face of my third-grade nemesis—Edna, the dreaded playground kissing girl.  And though my mind screamed a frenzied “No!” I heard my voice calmly state, “I do.”  And there I was, wishing I weren’t so immortal.

So there I was, running through a shattered, fire-seared landscape reminiscent of Danté’s Inferno, all 300-plus pounds of Edna fast on my heels.  Evil-looking demons, imps, and gargoyles kept grasping for me out of the darkness, slowing my bid to escape.  Edna drew ever closer, foaming at the mouth in eager anticipation of consummating our unholy matrimony.  I headed for a bright light in the distance, somehow cognizant that it represented my only possible hope for escape, and as I came within one step of the bright portal, a hideous monster rose before me with a staccato screech, and Edna was upon me.  I smacked the beast on his nose, plainly labeled “Snooze,” slammed my elbow in Edna’s great girth, and pushed towards the brightness of escape and resurrection.

And there I was, thankfully awake, and vowing once again never ever to mix vodka martinis with sushi.

—Originally published in my weekly column for The Johnstonian Sun and/or Kenly News, Circa 1990

OK, so the dream sequence is a bit cliché, but way back then, I thought it was pretty clever. 

Rum For Your Life!

Rum For Your Life!

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I wrote a monthly blog for a new online nautical apparel company for a couple of years back in the 20-teens. It was a fun gig that allowed me to showcase my cheekiness. 

Getting Nauti’s Primer on the Nautical Drink of Choice

If you’ve perused our online catalog, then you have undoubtedly noticed our “Rum For Your Life” heavyweight hoodies, cotton T-shirts, and shimmer loop-back tank tops.

“Rum For Your Life!” Nice play on words, eh? And with an image that speaks of enjoying life rather than running for your life in abject terror. In fact, that “Getting Nauti” lovely image of two drinks sitting on deck chairs with a setting sun beyond might even have you hankering for a cold sundowner.

But what if you’re just not into rum? What if you only drink beer, or are of the ilk who believe that Jack Daniel’s is the only booze worth swilling?

Vodka? White wine? Tequila?

What if rum just isn’t your happy place?

Well, get the fuck over it ’cause if you’re going to “Get Nauti,” rum is the drink of choice. In fact, rum has been the nautical drink of choice since at least the early 1600s, when Caribbean and South American explorers discovered that molasses, a byproduct of sugar refining, fermented perfectly into a delicious alcoholic beverage that made everyone happy under that hot tropical sun.

As for the origins of the name, take your pick:

  •        Old English slang for “fun.”
  •        Last syllable of the Latin word for sugar.
  •        Derived from the Romani word for “potent.”
  •        Spanish slang word “ron” meaning “tumult,” anglicized to “rum.”
  •        The Dutch word “rummer,” which meant “large glass.”
  •        French word for—

—Yeah, whatever, just pour me a shot….

Anyhow, rum’s popularity grew so quickly that it was soon a mainstay of the growing North and South American colonies, and one of the integral trade items between the old country and the new. For a brief time, it was even used as an acceptable form of currency in Europe.

The Royal Navy adopted rum as its official drink after capturing the island of Jamaica in 1655. Not only was the domestically produced Jamaican rum cheaper than the French swill called brandy they had been supplying up to then as a daily ration for every sailor, but it tasted better, too. Unfortunately for the sailors, Royal Navy skinflints started cutting the ration with water in 1740, which sailors renamed “grog,” and abolished the daily rations altogether in 1970.  

In Colonial North America, the distillation of rum became one of New England’s largest and most profitable industries, and George Washington ordered barrels of Barbados rum for his presidential inauguration. Our founding father set a precedent of sorts, as rum and a candidate’s willingness to share it featured prominently in early U.S. election strategies. 

Now, at this juncture, we need to point out that rum’s popularity in America went into a gradual decline during the first half of the 1800s due to restrictions on Caribbean sugar imports by the Brits in retaliation for losing the Revolutionary (and then 1812) War, and the ensuing rise of American whiskey production. 

However, despite these setbacks in the history of rum consumption, it remains popular and culturally significant in coastal areas, especially in regions where rum serves as a mainstay of the local economy. In some areas—such as most of the West Indies, the Canadian maritime provinces, and Newfoundland—rum sales far surpass those of all other alcoholic beverages.

In some coastal areas, ordering anything but rum can be met with outright disdain. We’ve heard things like, “Mon, dat’s not a drink,” said to those ordering anything but rum in the Caribbean, and seen a Nova Scotian sea captain casually chuck a full gift bottle of whiskey overboard.  

“Screech,” a Jamaican rum, has been Newfoundland’s unofficial drink of choice for over 200 years, and is talked about in connection with more strange old wives’ tales than any drink we’ve ever heard of. A lot of these tales involve cod fish, but our favorite is the Newfie belief that Screech can cure fertility problems. In fact, we’ve met a Newf who swears that downing a bottle in under five minutes led to the birth of his daughter some nine months later.

We could make any number of comments here, but perhaps we’ll just let you come to your own conclusions on this one.

Anyhow, all this to say that “rum” is definitely the drink of choice for those who are nautical-minded. And if you want to “Get Nauti,” then you should definitely develop your palate’s taste for the spirit. A good place to start would be by ordering a “Dark’ n Stormy,” a tasty concoction of dark rum (preferably Gosling’s), ginger beer, and lime.       

Oh, and once you’ve garnered that taste for rum, you’ll be proud to wear that “Rum For Your Life” shirt.        

Originally published in January 2017. 

 

 

 

All Over But the Pilings–Memories of a Dock

All Over But the Pilings–Memories of a Dock

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Anyone who spends a lot of time on boats likely spends a fair amount of time on docks. Relatively speaking, that is, as the dock is usually just a transit point for getting from land to boat. But along with being an important junction point between land and boat, docks offer plenty of opportunities for recreation on their own merit, with fishing and swimming quickly coming to mind. Indeed, a dock’s utility can go well beyond its purported uses and some docks can also develop distinct characteristics, such as romantic, haunting, or full of life, to name a few.  

My favorite dock of all time based on inherent recreational components and other distinct characteristics was the U.S. Coast Guard pier at Cape Lookout, North Carolina. It is also, by far, the largest dock I have ever had the pleasure of becoming intimately familiar with, thanks in large part to the Coast Guard’s abandonment of its facilities on that island in 1982.

The dock was located in front of a house that my family shared with three others as as vacation and weekend getaway spot. My father had spent significant time at that house during his childhood and teen years and, when given the opportunity to buy a share in the 1970s, jumped in with cash and several years of hard work to bring it back from the brink of dilapidation. It was his slice of heaven on earth, a slice I was blessed to enjoy, too.   

The dock served as a convenient amenity, but our usage of it was dependent upon the good nature of the Coast Guard station’s captain, who generally changed each year. “By the book” captains generally prohibited our use of the dock, which meant multiple long slogs through the salt marsh to get from our boat to the house with our attendant coolers, luggage and assorted gear. This also meant that I could not use the dock as my personal playground and swimming/fishing platform. 

The few captains with a more-laid-back attitude would grant us permission to unload at the dock, which also gave me leeway to fish and swim from it. And in the latter years of the Coast Guard’s tenure there, my sisters had reached an age at which the Coast Guard sailors would “look the other way” when by-the-book captains were shoreside, and were more than happy to help us bring our gear to the house. 

That annual worry about whether or not we would be able to use the dock came to an end in 1982, and the dock, while still property of the U.S. government, started to feel like ours. And we used it like it was ours. No more slogging through the salt marsh, and I was able to fish and swim from it with impunity. For a while, anyhow…. 

The island had fallen under U.S. Park Service Control, and it seemed to take them a few years to get the place up and running as a park. They also didn’t utilize the Coast Guard pier, as it was across the bight from where they had set up their facilities. Nevertheless, starting in about 1989 we started to get push back from the park superintendent. U.S. Government issue “No Trespassing” signs went up on the dock and Park Service personnel started kicking us off the dock and warning us that we were breaking the law. As with Coast Guard captains, the park superintendents generally changed year by year, and that year’s was the only one that proved to be of the “strictly-by-the-book” variety. After she was shipped off to Alaska, the signs stayed up, but succeeding superintendents looked the other way and park rangers generally ignored our use of the dock. 

And use it we did. It was our go-to for the basics of docking, unloading gear, swimming, and fishing. In fact, even though I have not cast a line from that dock since 2007, I have undoubtedly caught more fish from that dock than from all of my other fishing forays combined. Spot, pinfish, hogfish, croakers, bluefish, skate and dogfish by the thousands; flounder, sea bass, pompano, mackerel, sheepshead, puffer, trout, sharks and snapper by the hundreds; and a wide variety of other fish–known and unknown–by the dozens. It was a fishing paradise. If nothing was biting on the surf, and no hits while trolling, I could always count on catching something off that dock. And more often than not, something substantial. My dad’s biggest flounder and King Mackerel ever were both caught off that dock, and all of my 20-plus pound bluefish were caught there. It’s the only place I have ever caught a hammerhead shark, and a place where I’ve caught plenty of “the one that got away.” And while some of those “got aways” were undoubtedly sharks, others were definitely of the game fish variety, as evidenced by great leaps from the water, or up-close views before a last lunge and breaking of the line.

My Last Sunrise from the Coast Guard Dock at Cape Lookout

That dock also served as a perfect walkway for morning and evening strolls, as well as a perfect spot for sundown cocktail hour. While on that dock I have experienced countless magical moments brought forth by various elements—big and small—of nature putting on shows. And that dock as been the site of great bonding with friends, romance, and, sadly, even mourning.   

The view is magical, too, with all of Cape Lookout’s bight before you, along with the black and white diamonds of the state’s most beautiful lighthouse. Along with the house, the dock was  truly a magical place and my most favorite spot in the world. But it’s all gone now. 

The Park Service took possession of the house in 2007 and, with no maintenance over the years, was finally claimed by a storm in 2020. Likewise neglected by the government, the old Coast Guard dock is being claimed by the sea and will soon consist of nothing but some old wooden pilings . . . and some wonderful memories.

—Originally published in Slidemoor.

How to Contend With Those Dreaded Words—“Winter is Coming!”

How to Contend With Those Dreaded Words—“Winter is Coming!”

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It’s winter!

It’s winter, and we don’t really care whether that over-glorified February-the-second rodent saw his shadow or not, because all realistic indications point to winter being with us for many weeks to come. And, as lovers of all things nautical, we at Getting Nauti get kind of depressed during thegroundhog-in-snow-812159 depths of winter because this season puts a damper on maritime fun.

Sure, you folks who live in southern California or Florida pretty much enjoy the nautical lifestyle for 12 months of the year. However, the rest of us schmucks have to endure what seems to be an annual eternity of cold temperatures, freezing water, dark skies, ice, and—for those of us in the northern climes—that white stuff that looks oh-so-pretty-when-it-first-blankets-the-ground but after lingering for weeks on end starts looking like the frozen crust of nuclear fallout.

Winter—Blah!    

Just the thought of it in late summer made us quit watching Game of Thrones so we wouldn’t have to images-1hear that annoying catch-phrase “Winter is coming!” That harbinger of winter, that first frost, brings tears to our eyes as it marks the end of the nautical season. And that first snowfall, the one in which just about everyone exclaims, “Oh, how pretty!,” has us envisioning a flamethrower melting the white spawn of Satan before it can touch the ground.

OK, OK, so we’re getting a bit melodramatic here….

But we can’t help it because by mid-February we are so done with winter, and so ready to get back to getting nauti! Not gonna happen, though, because we’ve got endless weeks and weeks to go, no matter how that aforementioned rodent calls it.

So this got us thinking: what kind of nautical-minded fun can we have in spite of winter’s ravages? Lo and behold, after a bit of research we discovered that there are all kinds of winter-time maritime activities one can enjoy. Maybe winter doesn’t suck after all. Let’s check them out:

Frostbite Sailing— Heck, we thought everyone up north pulled their sailboats out of the water in the fall, but it turns out that a dozen or so northern communities from Boston to Maryland engage in sailboat racing all year. “Frostbiting,” they call it with good reason. And yeah, we can just imagine the joys of sailing into 20-knot subzero winds, sleet and snow; moving about on frozen decks while dressed in so many layers one can hardly move; and handling lines so cold that they feel like they’re about to cut through your gloves and into your flesh.

Ice Diving— Everyone pretty much pictures tropical coral reefs when thinking about SCUBA diving, but some hard-core divers take it to the extreme by diving through a hole in the ice during the depths of winter. In fact, some divers are so gung-ho that they pay big bucks to break through arctic ice to explore the coldest underwater environments. Don’t try this at home, though kids, as ice diving requires specialized equipment and probably a bit of training to account for unfamiliar cold water considerations. You know, like how to successfully do it without freezing to death. 

Surf Fishing the Freeze— Many die-hard surf fishermen swear that they can pull in just as many game fish in February as they can during spring or fall runs. On beaches from Massachusetts to North Carolina you can find these brave fishermen facing the freezing onshore wind and sleet while angling for a striper, blue, drum, flounder or any number of other prime catches. If you meet one of these eager anglers try to take note of how many fingers he has as he waxes poetic about the 20-pound striper he caught off Cape May during the height of last winter’s blizzard.

Cold Weather Surfing— Cowabunga! Piping Hot! Surf’s Up, Baby…. Especially in the winter when “gnarly” waves might take on a whole new meaning when you add some baby icebergs. But get amped, because surfers who live in eskimo-like climates swear winter surfing is the best. Just ask the locals who live near Windmill Bight, Newfoundland; Tofino, British Columbia; Lawrencetown, Nova Scotia; Higgins Beach, Maine; Lofoten, Norway; or Punta de Lobos, Chile. They don’t let a bit of snow, wind, ice or frostbite snake their waves.   

Polar Bear Swimming— Those crazy neighbours of ours to the north in the land of ice, moose, beavers, Mounties and Eskimos, have engaged in this traditional activity for more than a hundred years as a fun way to ring in the New Year. And while some American groups have adopted this hypothermic pastime for charitable purposes, those crazy Canucks just do it for the fun of it, to the point where just about any winter holiday or event marks a good reason to jump into the frozen ocean. Heck, they probably jump into the ocean on Feb. 2, to honor that stupid overgrown gerbil.    

Well that pretty much wraps up our research findings of winter-time nautical fun. What d’ya think, can any of these pastimes cure the winter blues for those of us dreaming of a nautical summer?

Yeah, no! Winter still sucks….     

—Written for and published by “Getting Nauti” in the winter of 2017.

What You Need to Know About Vertigo

What You Need to Know About Vertigo

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Have You Experienced These Symptoms?

People describe vertigo as:

“The ground seems to undulate under me, even as I no longer feel connected to it through my legs, and then my head starts to slowly spin as if weightless and disconnecting from my body.”

“Like unexpectedly finding myself on a phantom Tilt-A-Whirl.”

“My body feels fixated in place, but my mind feels like it’s spinning in space.”

“I see the real-world surroundings on my periphery begin to move as if perhaps trying to get in sync with the action on the screen, but the movement is disjointed and makes me feel nauseated.”

“I feel as though I live in a tunnel—I can’t turn my head quickly because it makes me feel like the whole world is turning upside down—and I have to constantly just stare straight ahead or move my whole body to look to my right or my left.”

“It feels like the center of my brain, perhaps the core of my very being, is spinning in direct opposition to the movement of the world.”

Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? Well, millions of people experience such symptoms daily, whether for the first time, periodically, or as part of a chronic condition. For some people, vertigo’s cause may be clearly diagnosed, but for many, the cause may be amorphous, multi-faceted, or—and worst of all for chronic sufferers—undiagnosed. Read on to learn more about this debilitating symptom, its numerous known causes, and the many potential exacerbating factors that may cause your head to spin.  

Vertigo—The Basics

Vertigo is the most common form of dizziness, a symptom expressed by about 20% to 30% of the general population seen in primary care settings. As a non-specific term used by patients to describe a wide range of symptoms, dizziness is broken down by physicians into four main categories:

  • Vertigo
  • Presyncope/syncope
  • Disequilibrium
  • Non-specific

Vertigo is typically described as a false sense of rotational movement or swaying that one feels in the absence of real movement. Some people mistakenly believe that vertigo is a fear of heights (acrophobia) and/or that it represents the symptoms experienced by someone with acrophobia when directly confronted by heights. This misperception may have stemmed in part from the classic Alfred Hitchcock movie, “Vertigo,” which conflated acrophobia and vertigo in both dialogue and the special effects of the time, which used a disorienting camera distortion trick to create what became known as the “Vertigo effect.” That said, those with acrophobia may be prone to a visually caused form of vertigo, according to some researchers. 

In general, people experiencing vertigo feel as if the objects around them are moving when they are not (known as objective vertigo), or that they themselves are spinning or swaying while everything else remains stationary (subjective vertigo). A third type of vertigo, referred to as pseudovertigo, involves the intense sensation of spinning inside one’s head. In many cases, though not all, a person can indicate the direction of motion when asked during a vertigo episode. The unpleasantness of vertigo usually feels worse when the episode occurs while a person is moving.  

Vertigo can present with other symptoms—most typically nausea, vomiting, profuse sweating, headache, and trouble walking—or alone. The duration of a vertigo experience can range from a few seconds to a few days, with the underlying condition generally dictating the time span. Most episodes of vertigo, though, tend to fall under the seconds to a few minutes time frame.

Many people may only experience vertigo once or a few times in their lives, perhaps a result of motion sickness, over-intoxication, an adverse drug reaction, or as the prelude to fainting, but some people suffer with ongoing, daily, periodic episodes of vertigo for weeks, months, or years on end due to an underlying condition. Those in the latter category are typically dealing with multiple other uncomfortable symptoms and are hopefully seeking or undergoing medical treatment. 

Doctors characterize vertigo in part by duration: vertigo symptoms or episodes lasting more than a day are referred to as persistent-onset vertigo. Shorter episodes of vertigo, such as those caused by motion sickness or an adverse drug reaction, are referred to as episodic-onset vertigo. The former can become a chronic condition, while the latter is usually just an incidental occurrence.

Vertigo is also classified as either peripheral or central. Peripheral vertigo describes vertigo symptoms that appear to arise due to problems with the inner ear, also known as the vestibular system. The inner ear is responsible for maintaining your sense of balance, controlling eye movement, and providing spatial orientation to coordinate movement. Inflammation caused by colds, the flu, bacterial infections, and certain drugs can affect the inner ear, leading to episodic-onset vertigo, as can physical trauma to the head. Pressure differentials in the middle ear from flying or diving can cause vertigo, and the aforementioned motion sickness also affects the inner ear, which is why it is associated with vertigo.

Several diseases and disorders that affect the inner ear can cause a persistent onset of vertigo. These include:

  • Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV)
  • Meniere’s disease
  • Superior canal dehiscence syndrome
  • Labyrinthitis

Central vertigo refers to a persistent onset of vertigo believed to be caused by the central nervous system’s processing of vestibular signals. Central nervous system injuries affecting the brainstem or cerebellum can cause persistent-onset vertigo, among other neurologic impacts, including balance disorders, speech problems, and double vision. Diseases and disorders that can cause central vertigo include:   

  • Tumors
  • Lesions
  • Migraine headaches
  • Epilepsy
  • Parkinson’s disease
  • Multiple sclerosis
  • Cervical spondylosis
  • Chiari malformation
  • Lateral medullary syndrome
  • Stroke

Researchers also believe that some cases of vertigo may stem from psychological factors, with anxiety and panic disorder cited as the primary sources of psychogenic dizziness. Researchers are also taking a closer look at oculomotor dysfunction and other optical-related factors that may cause what is known as visual vertigo (referred to by optometrists as “see sick syndrome”). Coined in 1995, visual vertigo describes vertiginous symptoms arising from visual conflict or intense visual stimulation. The condition can be caused by diseases and disorders that are responsible for other types of vertigo, but can also develop in their absence, with an indeterminate overarching cause.

Vertigo Confounded by the Difficulty in Its Diagnosis

Because vertigo is symptomatic of so many different conditions, those suffering from chronic vertigo often have difficulty finding its cause. Misdiagnosis is not at all unusual, and some sufferers end up with successive diagnoses—from BPPV to Meniere’s to migraine-related, or vice versa—and subsequent treatments that fail to offer relief. Perhaps more worrisome are the many patients who suffer from chronic vertigo that remains undiagnosed, which is clinically referred to as idiopathic vertigo. Not a small number, given that “[d]izziness is a common symptom, potentially deriving from many categories of illness, and our diagnostic acumen and technology is not perfect,” as noted by otoneurologist Dr. Timothy C. Hain. “It is not unusual to conclude that one simply doesn’t know why a person is dizzy, even after a thorough evaluation,” he concluded.

Indeed, researchers cannot even definitively agree on the prevalence of vertigo as a condition. Just Google “prevalence of vertigo” and you’ll find a vast range of responses, including:

  • Dizziness (including vertigo) as a condition impacts between 15% to 20% of the population on an annual basis (from about 50 million to 66 million Americans).
  • A global prevalence survey of vestibular symptoms found that, among 2,987 respondents, 48.3% reported at least one symptomatic episode of vertigo, 39.1% reported at least one symptomatic episode of unsteadiness, and 35.6% at least one episode of dizziness.
  • One-year general population prevalence estimates for vertigo stand at 4.9%, with BPPV accounting for 1.6% and migrainous vertigo accounting for 0.89%.
  • Vertigo and dizziness are common symptoms in the general population, with an estimated prevalence of 20% to 56% (OK, so anywhere from 66 million to 184 million Americans in a given year).
  • Despite much research on this subject, “relatively little is known about the precise incidence and prevalence of dizziness in the general population.” While common, “it’s not as prevalent as diabetes or heart disease.”     

We could go on, but we’re not trying to disparage the medical research community—we’re just highlighting how difficult it is to pin down potential causes of this debilitating condition that impacts millions, however many millions that may be.         

And of those millions, many will remain undiagnosed or misdiagnosed in terms of cause. Dr. Hain, whose research indicates that about 15% of the population suffers from dizziness symptoms, estimates that 25% of these cases will remain undiagnosed.

The Fast-Paced Modern World’s Role in Vertigo

Whether diagnosed or undiagnosed, there is plenty of anecdotal evidence that the fast pace of today’s modern world could be causing some cases of vertigo and is a likely exacerbating factor in those struggling with chronic vertigo. Consider first that the pace of life was relatively slow, and the amount of daily stimuli our senses had to process was relatively benign for the roughly 200,000 years that man has been on earth. That all began to change in the late 1700s with the advent of the Industrial Revolution, a revolution that presaged an ever-accelerating increase in the amount and pace of external stimuli requiring daily processing by our sensory systems.

For the past 120 years or so, our vestibular systems—our inner gyroscopes—have had to adapt to ever-increasing speeds and assorted speed anomalies (such as standing still on a fast-moving train or airplane). Before the turn of the 20th century, falling off a cliff represented about the only way a person would ever move at speeds nearing or topping 100 m.p.h. Today, such speeds—and much higher—are commonplace. And yes, our physical bodies are highly adaptable and resilient, with our vestibule system perfectly capable of keeping us balanced and functioning at high speeds. Though perhaps our adaptation to such has evolved with unperceived stress to the system.

Consider also what modern man’s vestibule and ocular systems have had to evolve to process the expansive stimuli generated by our digital age. A teenager playing Halo or Call of Duty today probably processes far more outside stimuli in an hour than a teenager herding sheep did in an entire day in 1750. Again, able to handle such stimuli with apparent ease, but what of unperceived physiological stress to the systems? Unperceived, that is, other than the presentation of vertiginous symptoms in some people.

Direct research into how the fast pace of modern life may impact our inner balance and, perhaps, cause vertiginous symptoms is limited. However, recent studies independently examining visual vertigo, vestibular motion sickness, and the ocular system all suggest a link. A 2016 study—”Moving in a Moving World: A Review of Vestibular Motion Sickness”—notes that the prevalence of motion sickness was primarily limited to the small numbers of seafarers until the arrival of trains, automobiles, and planes. Add in the more recent rise in extensive exposure to the illusion of passive motion through TV, video games, 3D movies, and virtual reality, and you have likely reasons why motion sickness has become such a prevalent problem in modern life.

“All sensory signals are merged in the brainstem and cerebellum, where they are weighted according to their reliability to obtain the best estimate for the body’s own natural motion. This process also forces the brain to factor sensory signals that should be impossible in the real world (such as passive artificial motion and illusion of passive motion), resulting in sensory conflict as the brain has to solve apparently conflicting information.”

Sensory conflict that undoubtedly leads to motion sickness and related symptoms. Given that researchers in the 1980s found a strong association between the susceptibility to motion sickness and migraine headaches, it probably wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to believe that such sensory conflict could cause or exacerbate vertiginous symptoms.

Big Increase in Screentime Warrants Closer Look at Visual Vertigo 

A 2018 paper calling for more research on visual vertigo warns that inattention to this source of vertigo could be detrimental to children growing up in our excessively digital world. The author of “Visual Vertigo: Vertigo of oculomotor origin” acknowledges that many researchers and doctors question whether true “visual vertigo really exists,” but posits that excessive screen time may be causing oculomotor dysfunction, and in turn, vertigo.

Seong Chin notes that most doctors and researchers consider visual vertigo only in relation to the ocular system’s connection to the vestibular system, rather than considering the ocular system as a source of vertigo independent of the vestibular system. He suggests that excessive near-point visual fixations induced by screentime lead to prolonged pupil contraction, resulting in ischemic strain and errors in signaling between the ocular and proprioceptive systems. Chin believes this can cause vertiginous symptoms absent the vestibular system’s role, but is more focused in his research about how screentime may have a profound impact on young children with their immature neuromuscular system and developing cerebellar coordination.”  

In conclusion, Chin suggests that non-vestibular system-related visual vertigo warrants much more research because the ever-increasing amount of daily screentime is inevitably going to lead to more eye muscle strain and related conditions such as vertigo. 

Other Vestibular Pathways to Vertigo?

The theory that modern life is placing undue stress on our vestibular (and ocular) systems may not yet have been adequately researched, but it is certainly palpable. In fact, whatever impact the fast pace of modern life has on our vestibular system may be manifested beyond just causing problems relating to gyroscopic functioning. In the past few years, researchers have found significant evidence that the vestibular system may be more than just a gyroscope that maintains our balance and spatial orientation. Not only have scientists found a clear link between vestibular function and some psychiatric disorders, but they have also found neural network linkage between the vestibular system and parts of the brain involved in cognitive and emotional processing.

What this means in relation to vertigo is unclear, as scientists know only that there is a link, not whether the pathways between the vestibular system and cognitive and emotional processing are one-way or two-way. Thus, if one is feeling emotionally or cognitively unbalanced, is that feeling picked up by the vestibular system and then treated in some way similar to outside stimuli-induced unbalancing? And-or how do the cognitive and emotional processing areas of our brain address real-world, physical unbalancing that is passed on to them by the vestibular system? Whatever the answer, stress-related impacts of modern-day living picked up by one are apparently passed on to the other.

Stress that may be compounded by the unnatural need to stay seated for long periods, staring at a video screen, whether for work or entertainment. Or even physiological stressors caused by constant head-down attention to the small screen of a smartphone or tablet. Extended periods of limited movement are undoubtedly unhealthy, as evidenced in part by feeling stiff, but extensive screen time can also result in longer-term problems with posture, back, and neck, not to mention eye strain. All of these are known to contribute to or exacerbate vertiginous symptoms.  

Along with the potential physiological stress our fast-paced, modern world places on our overworked vestibular and ocular systems, we need to consider psychological stressors. The digital world allows us to be continuously bombarded with the world’s stress. Whether through television, websites, or social media platforms such as Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook, we can (and tend to) receive a near-constant diet of data about a world in conflict and turmoil, whether by dint of war, politics, disease, crime, natural disaster, or any number of other adverse situations.

Sure, we’re also connecting with loved ones and watching cute kitty cat videos in our digital world, but conflict is ever-present. The average American probably processes more “news” in a day than an average American did in a month back in 1800. And much of our modern news is definitely disheartening and often quite distressing. Indeed, a constant diet of such should be enough to make anyone spin out.

Unfortunately, our digital world can also be somewhat addictive, whether gaming, tracking social media, or just feeling the need to get the latest COVID-19 news. And this addiction, especially among the younger generations, can create a disassociation from the real world. For some people, the disassociation is so extreme that the digital world is their real world. This is so commonplace that many younger people struggle to interact with the real world. And even if not to the extreme level, how can we successfully find equilibrium between the real world and the digital world, both of which “spin” at different speeds and with varying movement?

Along with dissociation, addiction to our digital world is changing our spatial relation to the world, as we tend to move far less and sit for longer periods than most people did just a few decades ago. Not only does this impact our posture, but so does the significant increase in small-screen use with cell phones and smartphones, which is also putting considerable strain on our backs and necks. You can easily picture the standard head-tilted-forward-and-down stance of anyone texting or looking down at their cell phone, a habit the average American engages in more than 50 times per day. But did you know that that standard cell phone stance doubles to triple the head weight strain your neck and spine have to support, with a 15-degree forward-head-down tilt adding more than 15 pounds and a 30-degree tilt adding about 30 pounds?      

Posture’s Vertiginous Role

Such changes to our posture and increased neck and back strain can cause or contribute to vertiginous symptoms. In fact, some researchers believe that many idiopathic causes of vertigo may be due to poor posture and spatial misalignment of the head. Anatomical physiologist Pete Egoscue thinks that “when the head is out of balance, either leaning to one side or jutting forward, the systems designed to maintain balance [vestibular, ocular, and proprioception] start arguing.” And when these systems send conflicting messages to the brain, “enter vertigo.”

Vertigo caused by this typically resolves on its own as the systems recalibrate to the new head position, but posture and changes in head position usually continue to get worse, causing ever-new bouts of vertigo. For some people, misaligned head position may cause fluid in the inner ear to thicken and/or develop microscopic calcifications that affect the inner ear’s cilia and can lead to longer-term vertigo. And indeed, massage, head repositioning efforts, and posture exercises are all used as therapies for vertigo relief, both for short-term and chronic vertigo.

In addition to one’s personal spatial balance, consideration should also be given to one’s balance with the world. In today’s fast-paced, modern world, most people often feel out of balance. In fact, a Google search of “how to find balance in your life” will offer you more than 300 million search results. Which of these results might actually answer the question is debatable, but it certainly signals a massive demand for finding balance.

The causes of such modern-day personal imbalances are also debatable, but we are constantly pulled in so many different directions by competing demands on our time, as well as by competing appeals that seek to capture our attention and influence how we spend our time and money. Rather than focusing on what’s truly important in life, many people are constantly in a virtual tizzy, trying to keep up with the fast-paced, superficial changes to make sure they don’t miss out on what life has to offer. Much of this is driven by near-constant market manipulation that feeds what becomes for many an addictive way of life. From worrying about style and self-image to social media popularity, to getting hold of the latest gadgets or watching all of the recent trending hits on Netflix or Amazon, who has time to pause and smell the proverbial roses?

And we would posit that taking regular time to smell those proverbial roses, or otherwise to “just be” in the world without succumbing to the many superficial distractions of the modern world, is an important vehicle for retaining at least some balance in life. We also assume that, as happens with internal vestibular system-related imbalance, this real-world imbalance creates a variety of physiological and psychological stressors that can also cause and exacerbate vertigo. 

There could be other reasons that drive vertigo into someone’s head—whether on an episodic or persistent basis—but we believe we’ve, for the most part, detailed the known and suspected causes and exacerbating factors. If you’re struggling with vertigo or have been unnerved by an episodic onset case, by all means, seek medical guidance. But also consider any potential non-medical triggers that may be impacting your inner balance and your relationship with life itself.       

 

Sources:

Joshua M. Ammerman, MD. “Is Your Cell Phone Killing Your Back?” Aug. 12, 2019. Spine Universe. Retrieved at: https://www.spineuniverse.com/wellness/ergonomics/your-cell-phone-killing-your-back

Giovanni Bertolini and Dominik Straumann. “Moving in a Moving World: A Review on Vestibular Motion Sickness. Feb. 15, 2016, Frontiers in Neurology. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4753518/

Alexandre Bisdorff, Gilles Bosser, et al. “The epidemiology of vertigo, dizziness, and unsteadiness and its links to co-morbidities. March 22, 2013. Frontiers in Neurology. Retrieved from: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fneur.2013.00029/full

Seong Chin. “Visual vertigo: Vertigo of oculomotor origin.” July 2018. Medical Hypotheses. Retrieved at: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306987718301324

Pete Egoscue. “What Causes Vertigo? How Posture Plays a Role.” Aug. 23, 2016. Sonima. Retreived at: https://www.sonima.com/fitness/what-causes-vertigo/

Caroline Gurvich, Jerome J. Maller, et al. “Vestibular insights into cognition and psychiatry.” Nov. 6, 2013. Brain Research. Retrieved from: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006899313012134

Timothy C. Hain, MD. “Epidemiology of Dizziness.” Jan. 1, 2020 (last modified). Chicago Dizziness and Hearing. Retrieved at: http://dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/dizzy_epi.html

Timothy C. Hain, MD. “Unlocalized and Psychogenic Dizziness.” 2019. Chicago Dizziness and Hearing. Retrieved at: https://dizziness-and-balance.com/practice/approach/unlocalized.htm

James D. Hogue. “Office Evaluation of Dizziness.” 2015. Georgia Campus, Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. Retrieved at: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0095454315000159?via%3Dihub

Ali Maloney. “Getting diagnosed with a chronic disease with no treatment or cure is like entering a Kafka novel.” Feb. 20, 2017. Quartz. Retrieved at: https://qz.com/909898/getting-diagnosed-with-a-chronic-disease-with-no-treatment-or-cure-is-like-entering-a-kafka-novel/

Michael Strupp, Mathew J. Thurtell, Asef G. Shaikh, et al. “Pharmacotherapy of vestibular and ocular motor disorders, including nystagmus.” April 2, 2011. Journal of Neurology. Retrieved at: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00415-011-5999-8

Rand Swenson. “Disorders of the Nervous System.” 2008. Dartmouth Medical School. Retrieved at: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~dons/part_2/chapter_14.html#chpt_14_introduction

 

 

Time To Talk About the “P” Word!

Time To Talk About the “P” Word!

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Written October 9, 2016, this one didn’t make the cut for publication anywhere. Dunno why ;->?

OK, kids, let’s just cut to the chase: “I love pussy!”

Whoa!

If you’ve been reading the news media lately, you’ll know that I just used a word equated with “vile,” “disgusting,” “revolting,” “lewd,” and “shocking,” among other excessively negative descriptions. The press and political establishment’s “shock and revulsion” reaction to Donald Trump’s use of the word seems akin to how the Muslim world might react should the ayatollah or other high-ranking Islamic clergyman refer to Muhammad as a dog.

Frankly, I’m finding it all a bit overdone.

But, for the record, The Donald’s banter with Billy Bush was downright moronic.

Don, you don’t just “grab ‘em by the pussy”—you’ve got to warm “‘em” up with foreplay first.

And yes, Donald Trump’s statements as recorded in 2005—and in all likelihood expressed at othertrump-cat1 times during his life—were definitely chauvinistic, misogynistic, sexist, demeaning to women, immature, and totally disrespectful to his then-new wife, Melania. In fact, she, more than anyone, should be taking him behind the woodshed for a beating. And yes, women across America (and beyond) have every right to heap scorn upon him and refer to him as a “pig.”

But all those male holier-than-thou politicians disavowing themselves from Trump for his remarks—as well as just about any other straight man calling for The Donald’s head on a stake for this latest transgression—need to shut their hypocritical selves the fuck up.

Because we men are “pigs,” and the vast majority of we straight ones talked about “pussy” all the time in our youth. In fact, from about the ages of 15 to 24 “pussy” is right up there with sports as a primary topic of conversation among men. With age, marriage, children, and responsibility, the topic becomes far less discussed, but if you don’t think it comes up from time to time on the golf course, fishing boat or anywhere two or more men are congregating in the absence of women, you are seriously deluded.

Mind you, Trump’s braggadocio was quite a bit over the top, but would you expect anything less from his overinflated ego? So, no, most men don’t think that we can just “grab ‘em by the pussy,” or that women—and their pussies—are just objects for our enjoyment, but sometimes our “pussy talk” might make it sound that way.

In fact, we revere “pussy.” And in this reverence and banter we do generally talk about the entire female package, but “pussy” is akin to the “Holy Grail.”

And why not? What’s not to love about it?

Without “pussy” life just wouldn’t be as joyful.

Without “pussy,” I would have to use “Vagina,” which just doesn’t roll of the tongue as smoothly—or, have to resort to that “C-word” that rhymes with “runt.”

Without “pussy,” I wouldn’t be a proud father.

Without “pussy” I would not be writing this blog, and you would not be reading it.

So let’s lose those unearned vulgar connotations of the word and apply reverence to it instead. And yes, if you are female, you can chastise The Donald for how he used it, but let’s not vilify the word itself more than it already unjustifiably is. 

“Pussy”—C’est la joie et le catalyseur de vivre!

The South’s Prohibition History and Rise of NASCAR

The South’s Prohibition History and Rise of NASCAR

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Along with celebrating life’s best moments with drinks and friends, we here at the Southern Drinking Club thoroughly enjoy learning about history, especially when it focuses on the South and/or drinking. When one considers the history of drinking in the U.S., however, nothing captures the public’s imagination more than America’s failed 1920-1933 effort to ban it—that is, Prohibition.

While Prohibition represents a broad-based story, with components touching upon just about every aspect of American life at that time, the first thoughts that come to most people’s minds when the word is mentioned today are Chicago gangsters, bootleggers, rumrunners, and speakeasies. In short, Prohibition tends to be billed primarily as a northern history, with scant participation from, or impact on, the South. Part of this is undoubtedly due to the fact that much of the South was already “dry” when Prohibition was enacted, though it’s also likely due in some part to Yankee propensity to co-opt history.

And sure, Yankee big-city gangsters of that time, along with border-crossing bootleggers and rumrunners, make for exciting history, but the South’s Prohibition history was equally exciting, and perhaps more relevant in its impact on America’s overall historical evolution. Not only did many big Southern cities have their own bootlegging gangsters—plenty of gangster-style shootouts and the like in New Orleans, Houston, Mobile, Tampa, and Tallahassee during Prohibition—but Southern moonshiners and bootleggers had been battling state and local government agents for years prior to the enactment of national Prohibition.

We Southerners just don’t like being told what to do, and long resorted to moonshining in the face of local, state, and then national efforts to stop us from enjoying a drink. And while rumrunning is historically associated with running it down from Canada, rumrunning from the Caribbean into Southern ports had been turning Southern entrepreneurs into millionaires for decades before that form of smuggling was needed up north.

In short, while more and more cities, towns, counties and states in the South went dry in the decades before Prohibition, that level of aridness was dry in name only. The only thing national Prohibition did was enhance the Southern moonshine business and number of Southern entrepreneurs engaged in it. Oh, and it also brought about the rise of the great Southern sport of stock car racing,  which is now watched by millions around the world under the banner of NASCAR.

With national Prohibition leading to such an increase in business, Southern moonshiners had to spend more and more time on the road getting their fine product to market. And while they had long had to contend with local and state efforts to stop them, this only intensified with the addition of the Feds. Southern moonshiners got a big edge in the cat and mouse game with Ford Motor Company’s introduction of the V-8 engine. which provided moonshiners with the “perfect moonshine deliver vehicle.” As noted by Neal Thompson, author of “Driving with the Devil: Moonshine, Detroit Wheels, and the Birth of NASCAR, a V-8-mounted Ford “was fast enough to stay one step ahead of the law, rugged enough for the mountain roads, and had a big enough trunk and back seat to squeeze in the moonshine.”

That Ford V-8 may have been an innovative Yankee invention, but Southern boys love to tinker and moonshiners across the South put their ingenuity into V-8 modifications that would give them even more speed to elude Johnny Law during deliveries. These deliveries undoubtedly became easier with the end of national prohibition in 1933, though they were still needed as many state and local governments opted to remain arid with regard to booze.   

Southerners also liked to compete, and at some point in the mid-1930s moonshiners started racing their delivery vehicles against each other at local fairgrounds and improvised tracks. These early stock car races drew in the crowds, which led local entrepreneurs to start planning races with paid attendance and cash purses for the winners. By 1938, stock car racing was pretty much established across the South, with numerous dedicated racing tracks that drew in crowds by the thousands.

Not only had many of these pre-NASCAR drivers trained by running moonshine, but “a large percentage of the early mechanics, car owners, promoters, and track owners had deep ties to the illegal alcohol business,” say Daniel S. Pierce, in his book, “Real NASCAR: White Lightening, Red Clay and Big Bill France.” In fact, Raymond Parks, the first person to establish a professional stock car racing team, had made a fortune in running moonshine in Georgia and  his investment in a professional team was likely used in part to launder some of his ill-gotten gains. His racing team drivers were some of the top moonshine runners in North Georgia, and his primary mechanic was known as “the bootleggers’ mechanic.”

The intersection of moonshine running and stock car racing is perhaps best evidenced by a stock car race held at Atlanta’s Lakewood Speedway in September 1945, when police intervened to ban five drivers from racing due to their prior moonshine running convictions. The 30,000 fans did not take kindly to this police action, and in the face of what was about to be an ugly riot, the police relented and a top moonshine runner won the race.

Bill France, the founder of what was to become NASCAR in 1947, did not have a background in moonshining, though he was an avid recruiter of moonshine runners during his initial efforts to standardize stock car racing. In fact, many of the teams involved in the first official NASCAR races in the late 1940s had deep ties to moonshining. According to the aforementioned Neal Thompson, moonshine money was instrumental in sustaining NASCAR through its early years.

In the early 1950s, though, France made a concerted effort to bury NASCAR’s moonshine connections as part of an ultimately successful effort to make NASCAR more family friendly. Any connection between NASCAR and booze was pretty much then lost until 1972, when Canadian-based Carling Brewery sponsored a rookie driver with its Black Label brand. And, since then, NASCAR’s association with alcohol has primarily revolved around beer, but now you know that NASCAR was initially fueled by moonshine and driven by Prohibition.     

In honor of the South’s Prohibition-related heritage that led to the rise of NASCAR, we suppose we should offer a NASCAR-themed cocktail recipe . . . .

Easy! Grab a beer and bottom’s up. OK, but for those of you with more refined tastes, we offer the following:

The Green Flag

Fill a tall glass with ice and add:

  • 2 Oz premium vodka
  • 1/4th Oz melon liqueur (or any green-tinted liqueur, really)
  • 1 Oz white cranberry juice
  • 1 Oz Sprite
  • 1//2 Oz lime juice    

Garnish with lime and enjoy!

The Red Flag

Half fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add:

1 Oz premium vodka

1 Oz white rum

1/2 Oz Red Bull

1/2 cup of cranberry juice

Mix for 30 seconds, pour into a chilled Martini glass, and savor!      

—Originally published by the Southern Drinking Club   

Consider the Humble Barrel, Instrumental in Crafting Your Whiskey of Choice

Consider the Humble Barrel, Instrumental in Crafting Your Whiskey of Choice

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Even though George Thorogood is Yankee-born, we’d likely accept him as an honorary Southerner due to two songs that speak to our Southern culture. When George growls out “one bourbon, one Scotch, one beer,” or croons about staying home with “just me and my pal Johnny Walker and his brothers Black and Red,” he almost sounds Southern. He’s also waxing poetic about the alcoholic beverages most closely aligned with our Southern heritage. In particular, whiskey and, more specifically, bourbon. Beer is undoubtedly beloved, but bourbon (and its Tennessee offshoot) is to the South what coffee (and cocaine) is to Columbia. As for Scotch, it’s essentially the direct ascendant of bourbon and thus holds a distinguished, yet amorphous, position within the South’s drinking heritage annals. To put this another way, them that don’t favor bourbon tend to savor Scotch.

No matter what your whiskey of choice—bourbon, Scotch, Irish, Canadian, Tennessee—they all share something in common. That is, the bulk of their existence entails curing in a wooden barrel to help each attain the unique characteristics and flavors that will make it your whiskey of choice.

If your choice is Jim Beam Original, it spent four years in a new charred-oak barrel prior to bottling. If your choice is a bit more highfalutin, with perhaps a taste for Pappy Van Winkle (no relation to “Rip”), then your liquid gold spent 15, 20, or 23 years in a barrel before you shelled out big bucks for that fifth of a gallon bottle. If you’re into fine Scotch and perhaps favor Lagavulin, the distillery offers varieties that have been barrel-aged anywhere from eight to 37 years.

Bottom line is that you probably give little thought to the long life your favorite whiskey enjoyed before you and your buddies settle into a bottle during poker night or some other good-times-with-good-friends event. Of course, we here at the Southern Drinking Club like to educate and entertain our fans, so please read on to learn more about how vital barreling is to your favorite whiskey. Heck, you might never look at the humble barrel the same way again.

A Little Historical Perspective   

Even absent barreling, whiskey proved to be a hit with consumers back when its precursor was first distilled by European Christian churches sometime in the Dark-Age years of 500-1000 AD. While initially distilled as, ahem, “medicine,” its intoxicating popularity had spurred huge demand throughout Europe by the onset of the Renaissance. In fact, the name “whiskey” evolved from the Celtic “usquebaugh” and Gaelic “usige beatha,” which were translations of the Latin “aqua vitae,” which literally means “water of life.” Whiskey’s first appearance in written history comes to us from the 1405 “Irish Annals of Clonmacnoise,” which included reference to a clan head dying from excessive consumption of aqua vitae while celebrating Christmas—any sense of irony apparently lost in the translation.  

While distillation methods on the European continent utilized fermented grapes (AKA “wine”), Scottish and Irish monasteries lacked vineyards and so turned to the distillation of fermenting grain mash. Good thing, because they started producing and perfecting the spirits that we refer to as whiskey today. Whiskey production in Scotland and Ireland got a further boost when King Henry VIII dissolved the kingdom’s monasteries in the late 1530s, which moved whiskey distillation into the public sphere. This created more competition, which spurred efforts by distillers to improve its taste and, at some point, a distiller discovered that letting the potion age in a wooden cask dramatically did just that.

Barrel Aging of Whiskey as a Standard

Thus, barrel aging became the final touch in giving every whiskey its distinct flavor, with curing time dictating the final product’s chemical composition and taste. During the aging process, the whiskey extracts flavors and coloration from the wood. The flavoring is also influenced by other organic chemical reactions relating to evaporation and oxidation. For an added taste sensation, some distillers age their whiskey in barrels that had originally been used to age other spirits, such as sherry, brandy, or wine. 

Barrel aging is such an essential component of whiskey making that governments have long regulated it. According to their respective country production laws, Scotch, Irish, and Canadian (Rye) whiskies must be aged in barrels for a minimum of three years. U.S. laws mandate that bourbon must be aged in “new, charred oak barrels,” though there is no mandated duration. That said, labeling requirements and foreign laws influence the barrel-aging of bourbon. “Straight” bourbon must age for a minimum of two years and display the age if under four years. Additionally, bourbon that ages less than three years cannot be legally referred to or labeled as “whiskey” in Europe. Corn whiskey, a bourbon offshoot typically modeled on moonshine concoctions, is the only whiskey that is often sold without any barrel aging at all.   

Know that the aging process ends with bottling and, unlike with many wines, the whiskey’s taste will not improve or mature over the ensuing years and decades. In short, that 12-year-old bourbon or Scotch will always be a 12-year-old whiskey no matter how many years or decades you store the bottle.

Barrel Making’s Long History

Also known as cooperage, barrel making has been an important business since at least ancient Egyptian times, with a tomb wall painting dating to 2600 BC showing a wooden barrel-like tub being used to measure wheat. Another ancient Egyptian tomb painting shows a similar barrel-like container used to hold grapes. 

Roman historian Pliny the Elder provided some of the first written descriptions of barrel making by reporting that European cooperage originated in Alpine Gaul. His descriptions identified three different kinds of Gallic cooperage, and subsequent historians have determined that the art was heartily adopted by the Romans, as well as most other civilizations that followed. These early wooden barrels were constructed in similar fashion to today’s wooden barrels, with perhaps the most significant difference being that the barrel staves were girded with wooden hoops and/or rope rather than metal hoops. Metal hoop girders, which are much more robust and take up less space, came into widespread use starting in the 1800s.  

As a storage container, barrels have been historically used to hold and transport a wide variety of goods, from food and beverage items to gunpowder to nails and other fittings. They were even used to transport bodies, with British Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson being among the most famous people to be so transported—preserved in a barrel of brandy for shipment home after falling during the Battle of Trafalgar. While for more ignoble purposes today, similar storage and transport are practiced by Mexican drug cartels, though they tend to use plastic or steel barrels for such use. 

Beverage Maturing Naturally Came of Age

Given a wooden barrel’s utility in transporting and storing liquids, it was only a matter of time before people discovered that such storage could affect the taste of beverages. Not only does the wood impart compounds such as tannins and vanillin into beverages, but it also stimulates chemical reactions that further influence flavor. Winemakers discovered that some grapes could be fermented in barrels and that different flavors could be created depending upon the type of wooden barrels used for storage and the duration of storage periods. 

Naturally, other spirit makers experimented with different wood types and storage times, which turned barrel aging of spirits into an art of sorts. Today, barrel aging is a crucial component in the production of: 

  • Whiskey
  • Sherry
  • Brandy
  • Balsamic vinegar
  • Tabasco sauce
  • Wine
  • Some beer (stouts, in particular)
  • Some tequilas

Without this modern-day barrel aging, cooperage as we know it would likely no longer exist, and wooden barrels would be a relic from the past. 

Barrel Making Numbers

Due to international production and a lack of any centralized cooperage information portal, figuring out how many whiskey barrels are produced every year is a tall order. But we do know that the state of Kentucky, which produces more than 90 percent of the world’s bourbon, fills just over two million barrels per year and has about nine million filled barrels currently in storage for aging. 

With between 52 and 53 gallons per barrel, that comes out to a production rate of about 106 million gallons of Kentucky bourbon per year and almost a half-billion gallons currently in the maturation stage. Somehow, that just doesn’t seem like it would be enough to meet worldwide, let alone Southern, demand. Then again it does add up to about 530 million fifth bottles per year, of which we only need a few dozen per year to sate our local collective tastes.   

After bottling, many of these used Kentucky bourbon barrels will be shipped worldwide for future barrel aging of other spirits such as Scotch. However, this used-barrel market does not satisfy the need for additional barrel-making worldwide due to volumes and the need for barrel wood type variations to produce different flavors. Thus, there are likely more than 100 other barrel-making operations worldwide producing millions of additional barrels to ensure that all our favorite beverages are perfectly aged. 

For example, there are more than 40 cooperages in California that specifically handle that state’s wine production, and likely similar numbers in other major wine-making regions around the world. There are at least a dozen cooperages in Scotland and Ireland, with four major Scotch distilleries having their own on-site barrel-making operations. And India, which is one of the world leaders in whiskey production (who knew?), must have a robust cooperage industry. That said, India reportedly lacks any significant production regulations, and some of what passes for whiskey in that country might not pass the smell test in the rest of the world. Thus, a portion of their non-export “whiskey” may not even undergo aging—Punjabi rotgut, anyone?

How Barrels are Made

Whether for whiskey, wine, or some other beverage, barrel making entails the same process and delivers similar barrels, though sometimes differentiated by size. The 53-gallon charred white oak barrel is standard for bourbon producers, a size that has become the standard with other whiskey producers worldwide. That said, whiskey barrels can be found in sizes ranging from 50 to 60 gallons and, as previously noted, some whiskies are aged in barrels once used for other spirits or wine. Oak is typically the wood of choice, though its treatment with regard to drying, cutting, sanding, and charring can differ in relation to specific flavorings sought. This is most noticeable when comparing a wine barrel with a whiskey barrel, as wine barrels are typically given a much smoother finish inside and out. 

Barrels are made out of staves, hoops, and heads (each end of the barrel). After appropriate treatment, short planks of oak are dowelled together into squares, which are then cut into perfect circles with rounded edges. Longer planks are cut and planed to create a trapezoid cross-section to account for the inside barrel circumference being smaller than the outside. The staves are also cut with a convex curve in the middle section to account for the barrel’s expanding midsection circumference. Between 31 to 33 staves are placed into a temporary steel ring that holds them in place. The managing cooper makes sure that staves are evenly distributed and then applies steam to the wood to make it more pliable, while a machine bends the staves at the other end to create its unique shape. After further treatment, such as charring, is conducted, the nascent barrel is allowed to cool before the heads are inserted into the ends and the temporary rings are replaced by the steel hoops, which are then riveted into place. After a bunghole is drilled, the barrel is tested for leaks and, upon passing inspection, ready to begin working its magic on whiskey curing.      

How’d You Like to Be in a Barrel? 

Climbing into one of today’s standard-size whiskey barrels would prove quite uncomfortable, if not impossible for some of us. A hundred years or so ago, though, when larger-size whiskey barrels were more common, a few folks decided that taking a ride downriver in a barrel might be fun. And not just any river, but the Niagara River, which culminates with its plunge down Niagara Falls into Lake Ontario.

Retired school teacher Annie Edson Taylor took the first-known barrel-ride down Niagara falls in 1901, though apparently more in a bid for retirement money than it was for the joy ride. Lord knows, you’d think a 63-year-old schoolteacher could find a more innovative way to make money, but she was a Yankee (New Yorker, no less) and, as such, probably a touch light in receipt of hereditary common-sense genes. To give her credit, stuffed in that barrel with an improvised mattress and her lucky, heart-shaped pillow, she survived the plunge with just a gash on the head. As a money-making scheme, though, the stunt was a flop as her memoir failed to spur interest from publishers, and the little money she earned from a speaking tour was used to hire private detectives to chase down her wayward manager who had absconded with her famous barrel.

Nineteen years later, the second person to make the attempt in a wooden barrel became the first Niagara thrill seeker to die. Rather than mattress material and a lucky pillow, Englishman Charles Stephens brought along an anvil to provide ballast. Attached to his leg, the anvil burst through the bottom of the barrel during the plunge and took poor Charles with him, leaving only an arm left in the remains of the barrel’s safety harness.    

We’ll close by saying that this just serves up more proof that a barrel is best used for whiskey and other libations. The thought of one containing the equivalent of 265 fifths of Maker’s Mark is far more appealing than considering what a human body—dead or alive—might look like in one.  

Originally Published by The Southern Drinking Club.

Finding Holiday Bliss Under a Parasitic Weed

Finding Holiday Bliss Under a Parasitic Weed

Posted on by • Posted in Humor, Love-Romance • Tagged , , • Leave a comment

—December 1, 2020

Christmas has far more traditional elements to keep track of than any other holiday. Think about it, you’ve got your Christmas tree, wreath, ornaments, lights, carols, stockings, gifts, advent calendar, charitable giving, candy canes, gingerbread houses and people, and a dozen or so other traditional food items. And let’s not forget Santa Claus, flying reindeer, and some dwarves—wait, we mean elves.

No doubt we’ve neglected a Christmas traditional element or two, but among the strangest—come on, flying reindeer?—of Christmas traditions must be the hanging of a parasitic weed, under which anyone inadvertently or purposely standing is susceptible to sexual advances from others in the room. And by susceptible, tradition has long held that a woman under the mistletoe is supposed to allow a man to kiss her, with noncompliance leading to potential bad luck, lack of Christmas presents, a life of spinsterhood, future infertility, or some other woe depending upon the country or region.

Frankly, we’re a bit surprised that the “Me Too” movement hasn’t jumped all over this one, with calls to ban its sale or maybe get it regulated as a Schedule 1 date rape drug.

So how did this strange tradition come about? Well, for some reason several ancient cultures, including Greeks, Celts, Druids, and Vikings, associated mistletoe with fertility and used it in fertility related rituals. While historians aren’t exactly sure how these varied folks actually utilized the plant, when the English incorporated it into their Christmas celebrations in the 1700s they couldn’t exactly promote it as “great for fucking” or some such, given the propriety of the times. Thus, it’s association with kissing, which, as everyone certainly knew back then, often leads to fucking.

Anyhow, the hanging of mistletoe during Christmas has endured, and kissing a girl/woman under the mistletoe is almost a rite of passage of sorts. And for those lucky ones among us, that mistletoe-inspired kiss has led to some passionate lovemaking with one’s wife or girlfriend, or, for singletons, perhaps a memorable, all-night fuck-a-thon with a co-worker you hooked up with—Barb from accounting?—at the office Christmas party thanks to a little bit of mistletoe initiation.

But how did this weed become such an enduring Christmas tradition and a harbinger of what can become tidings of great joy? And what is its connection to fertility? 

Perhaps it has something to do with the parasitic nature of the plant. As a parasite, mistletoe latches on to trees and shrubs and then leaches out whatever nutrition it needs from the host plant. Some mistletoe species even go so far as to letting the host plant take care of their photosynthesis needs.

With this in mind, one could posit that the tradition may have evolved to let men act like mistletoe to their host plant women….

But don’t share this bit of intel with the Me Too Movement. Little doubt that plenty of letches have taken advantage of mistletoe to steal a kiss and try for more, but we would suggest that mistletoe has inspired far more sweet kisses, passionate lovemaking, awesome fucking, and overall joy than it has sexual assault. And with that, we wish you a Merry Christmas and tidings of getting lucky under the mistletoe!

—Similar version originally published December 2019 by Sleazy Greetings.